We started with an exercise of drawing a picture of how we felt in that moment. It was to get us connected to our right brain - the feeling, image side of our brain. That night I drew a picture that represented time and space. I had swirls the represented different things. Me in the center with the swirl going around the whole page. Then I drew other swirls that represented different things pulling my energy... so I drew a swirl for work, for the farm business, another for friends, one for family and a swirl for my own personal goals and interests. Some of these swirls I drew as if they were compacted... like they would like to expand and take up more time and energy but they were forced to be less.
Then we talked about true and false self. False self is when you basically dwell on bad things or question why things are happening to you. This was interesting to me because for the past few months I keep getting flashes and bad memories of my dog Whinnie dying and how I didn't save her. She went out for her evening pee but didn't come back. I went searching for her and looked almost everywhere. I thought I heard a bark and looked at this one neighbor's house a few doors down where we haven't talk to them or met them yet so I didn't go down to investigate their backyard because it was dark and I didn't know them.
The next morning Whinnie was found drowned in their pool.... we didn't know them or know they had a pool. Immediately I felt so awful. I probably had heard my little girl calling for help and I didn't go down their driveway simply because I didn't know the people. I have forever been tormented by this memory.
Pat talked about authentic self and false self, along with a similar experience she had in her past. What she took from her experience was how she could thank the wonderful dog for teaching her to be more safety conscious and that she'll never let something like that happen ever again. It was a dramatic experience and Pat encouraged me to thank Whinnie every time I have those memories... and that certainly has helped. Of course now with our three dogs its like Fort Knox and Pat is right that I can thank Whinne for how careful we are with our dogs (and one day children) now and have our video surveillance system, GPS trackers, and fenced yards because of our experience with Whinnie.
Next was time to play with the horses and I was using Allure again. This time before I went to get him I stood at a little distance while Allure was eating from a hay bale with his friends. I thought about him and sending my energy to him, asking if he wanted to come play. I just visualized playing together and projected my energy to him.
Super creepy that right in that moment he turned and looked at me and just walked right over. This is extra interesting because he is not a horse that I normally interact with - normally I take one of my TB's out to ride so its unusual for Allure to think to come and greet me.
Next we were playing outside in the round pen doing some more exercises including walking from point A to point B. The first time walking from point A to point B I was trying to feel how I would when I feel little and not confident - normally when that happens I feel knots in my stomach so I was walking from point A to point B thinking knots in my stomach.
Super freakily Allure followed beside me with his body around me and his nose inches from my stomach. Then I grounded myself and did some breathing exercises to get into my authentic self which is a more present form of myself and just walk from point A to point B. Allure then followed behind me and just relaxed.
It was totally crazy and really interesting that how I was feeling and thinking really did change how Allure interacted with me because the speed and where I was walking was the same... the only difference was how I was feeling and thinking.
Next, I tried asking Allure a question. I thought of a picture of how the farm is going to look when all of the construction is done and I was asking Allure "what do you think?" He rested his nose very close to my shoulder and just hung out there. Then when I asked him "I think you are saying you like that idea and that is all you have to say?" and he put his head down and very deliberately brought his nose down almost like he was rubbing his knees but he wasn't actually rubbing his nose he was just making a movement. It was the only moment in our whole session that he did this particular behavior. There's no denying that I had questions in my mind and he was responding right in the moment.
The last thing we did was inside the house and we choose a card from a special deck of cards. I choose based on the picture and then read the back of the card which has a message.
I was immediately creeped out because it started with "Amidst the swirls of life"..... which is exactly what I was drawing at the beginning of the session. More creepy because its the only card in the deck with that message. There is no denying the connection between the image that I had drawn and now the card that I had chosen (see the picture with the message 'rejuvenate').
Wow. I am a very logical, math, numbers, science type of person -so getting in tune with my energy and feelings is a bit weird, but I am definitely seeing how FEEL is really on to something.
I'm not sure what to expect in my next session but I'm definitely keeping an open mind.